SAYING GOOD-BYE

"Watch a rainbow because that's what I will dance on."

--Melinda's Story: My Life by Melinda Lawrence, who died of muscular dystrophy

A reward of overcoming denial about your son's illness and prognosis is that you've been able to live in the present throughout his life. You're blessed if you can look back on many years of expressing your love and other thoughts and feelings to each other.

No matter how open your family communications have been, as the end approaches, review any unfinished emotional "business" and see that it's taken care of. This may include apologies, forgiveness and wiping the slate clean of any lingering tension.

It may be very rewarding to you and other family members to tell your son what he means to you, how wonderful it was to have him in your life. The way you do this will depend on the style of expressing yourself that you're most comfortable with; there's no wrong or right way. The critical thing is, if there's anything you want to say, do it now.

It's also important to let him know that, though you'll miss him terribly, you'll be OK after he goes. Many young men with DMD worry that their deaths will be too hard on their parents. Your son may believe he needs to keep fighting for your sake. It can be very freeing for all involved if loved ones give the ailing person "permission" to die, communicating that he can let go when he decides it's time.

Next... The Grief Process