When Mae West said, "It's not the men in your life; it's the life in your men," she didn't know the McCoy family of Manhattan Beach, Calif. But these four real McCoys put one in mind of her quip.

Michael McCoy and his three sons are full of life and full of fight. When Mike and his late wife, Mary, found out all three of their boys had Duchenne muscular dystrophy (DMD), they determined to go ahead and have a full family life, whatever the obstacles.

In the nearly 20 years since, the McCoys have learned enough to start their own college offering majors in coping skills, crisis management, beating the system and maintaining optimism. Not surprisingly, they've achieved role model status in Southern California for other families facing a child's disability.

The McCoy house bustles with activity -- three young men who don't like to stay home for too long, their full-time nursing assistants, other friends and relatives, a couple of dogs, some rabbits, several cats, fish, computers, a big-screen TV and ongoing video games. Dad pops in and out from his job as a photo technician at the Space and Electronics division of high-tech giant TRW.

When they're not attending classes at El Camino Community College, John Paul McCoy, 24, and his brothers may be piling into their van to go to an L.A. Kings hockey game, shopping and movies at a nearby mall or car races in Long Beach. Several times a year, the whole family, plus a couple of friends and nurses, take the family motor home on an out-of-town jaunt -- to Monterey, or Mexico, or Washington, D.C.

Mike acknowledges, "It's easier to give up and stay home," but the McCoys have never considered that option.

This hectic life is kept rolling by a father's commitment to obtaining all available services for his kids from state programs, private insurance, MDA and other sources, plus an extended family, church and community that pitches in as needed. And by three sons who do their parts -- making phone calls, handling the checking account, shopping, running errands and taking responsibility for their own care.

The McCoys used to call themselves the "Fighting Five." Mike performed most of the physical chores related to the boys' care; Mary handled paperwork, appointments and phone calls, such as dealing with insurance companies and nursing agencies. The boys learned to be assertive and have fun and, as they got older, to instruct their nursing assistants in their care.

Mary's unexpected death three years ago meant radical adjustments for everyone.

Says Mike, "Then I had to learn to do it all."

THREE FOR THREE

In 1970, Mike and Mary married and planned a family. Mary's older brother, Johnny, had died of muscular dystrophy, and she asked her doctors about her risk of passing the disease to her children. Apparently, none of the doctors realized Mary could have been tested to see if she was a carrier of the disease.

A few years later, with three strong-looking sons ages 3 to 7, they noticed that John Paul was having some trouble getting up from the floor and climbing out of bed. His doctor agreed he should be tested for muscular dystrophy. While awaiting the test results, Mike and Mary decided to test their two younger sons, Brian and Kelly, as well.

The results were devastating. Three rolls of the dice had turned up unlucky. All three boys had DMD.

"We were a couple of basket cases for about a year," Mike says. "She knew what to expect from experience with her brother. We knew they'd be lucky to make it to 18 or 20."

Mike says he and Mary got through those first tough months by "talking to each other and talking to our priest." The priest told them that knowing their sons' condition gave them an advantage. He said, "You can mold their lives. You don't have to teach them to be afraid. You can do the research, find out how to help," Mike recalls.

So the McCoys began to fight. "We decided, it may be a shorter life than others have but they're going to have fun. They'll have the best we can give them."

Mary herself, as a carrier of the DMD gene, manifested some muscle weakness and fatigue. Her sudden, fatal heart attack at 51 may also have been related to the effects of incomplete dystrophin, the protein lacking in boys with DMD.

The family's fight has been fueled by improved medical treatment that's greatly prolonged life expectancy for young men with DMD. A friend of Mary's brother with the disease lived many years beyond what was predicted. Building on the hope brought by those developments, the McCoys' approach to life is to focus on "fun" -- the next trip, the next game, a choice of excursions for birthdays and other special occasions.

Now when the local MDA office enrolls a family still reeling from the shock of diagnosis, they have them call the McCoys for advice. Mike says, "I tell them life's not over. You're going to have a life."

LIFE TODAY

In the unassuming family bungalow, Brian, Kelly and John Paul share a large bedroom that combines the features of a college dorm and a hospital ward.

On the walls and ceiling are flags from dozens of places that the McCoy motor home has visited, sports memorabilia and posters of scantily clad young women. A computer connects them to the Internet, and dresser drawers are labeled by name so their clothes don't get mixed up by the numerous nurses who come through the home during the course of the week.

Brian McCoy enters the bedroom he shares with his brothers.

The bedroom also contains oxygen tanks, an electric lift and shelves filled with medical supplies.

The McCoy boys have learned to face life with confidence, plus a large dose of humor. Their parents emphasized, "There's nothing wrong with your mind."

They're happy to answer questions about themselves from strangers but can't stand gawkers. If people stare, they're likely to respond with Gomer Pyle imitations, or John Paul may stare back and inquire, "Do you have a question you'd like to ask me?" He adds, "I just dish back what they're dishing on me."

Brian, 22, shows off his massive hockey memorabilia collection, which is displayed in the bedroom. There are pucks, cards, programs, posters and sticks -- one signed by all the members of the L.A. Kings, including former teammate Wayne Gretzky. Brian acquires the souvenirs at hockey events and card shops and by networking with friends and other sports fans.

"The rest of my collection is under my bed," Brian says. Rob Blake, the Kings' captain, provided the family with season tickets to the team's games at the Great Western Forum in Los Angeles.

Kelly, 19, can often be found in the family room watching the big screen TV, which is adorned with his collection of "Star Wars" and "Star Trek" paraphernalia. He enjoys movies, including "Titanic," but wasn't impressed with heartthrob star Leonardo DiCaprio.

"He died in the end. That was good," Kelly deadpans.

John Paul describes the brothers as "best friends and enemies. We fight all the time and we get along once in a while." Their relationship includes plenty of support as well as sibling rivalry and horseplay.

In earlier years, John Paul and Brian got Kelly to fetch for them and otherwise assist them. In turn, he hitched rides down the street on the backs of their wheelchairs. Kelly watched his brothers graduate from braces to manual, then power, wheelchairs; undergo spinal surgery and tracheotomies; and learn to live with respirators and full-time assistants. Soon he would go through the same experiences.

The boys took a self-defense course and learned how to use their wheelchairs as "weapons" if necessary. They've applied their skills mostly by practicing on each other, but at least one bully at school also got a taste of their abilities.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

"It was our mom's idea to travel," John Paul says. "We start in the spring talking about where to go in the summer. We decide by whoever's the loudest."

John Paul McCoy shops for a gift for a family friend with the assistance of longtime nurse Glenroy Daniel.

Brian adds, "We plan the trip, make phone calls to get information. We usually do most of the things we planned to do."

Besides several trips to Hawaii and Las Vegas, they've taken the motor home into Canada and Mexico. New Orleans, Carlsbad Caverns and Washington, D.C., are other favorite spots. In earlier days, the family often went tent camping, wheelchairs and all.

Brian notes, "Our parents taught us, don't let anything get you down. Our mom made us try stuff we never tried before. She'd say, 'Try it at least once. Nothing's impossible.'"

Glenroy Daniel, a certified nursing assistant who's worked with the family for about eight years, agrees that positive thinking has helped the boys remain healthier and more upbeat. He attributes much of that influence to their mother.

Daniel and two other assistants work the daytime shift during the week. Nursing assistants and licensed vocational nurses also work the remaining hours.

Mike sometimes calls Daniel his "fourth son," and nurses who pass the McCoy screening soon become part of the family. If an agency sends an employee that doesn't meet the McCoys' standards, or if a nurse is chronically late, Mike and John Paul make phone calls until the person is replaced.

"We hang out like buddies," Daniel says of his relationship with the family. "You have to be casual; they don't like you to be 'nursy-nursy.' That's why we don't wear nursing uniforms. We don't treat them like they're in the hospital. This is their home. They should be comfortable."

PULLING IT ALL TOGETHER

Kelly, John Paul and Brian know their lives would contain much less fun if their parents hadn't been such fighters. Mike spends "lots of time" on the phone, calling nursing agencies and insurance companies.

The brothers are covered by two private insurance policies, one through Mike's employer and one from their mother, who was a teacher. In addition, at 18 each became eligible for In-Home Supportive Services, part of California's Social Security program for adults with disabilities. By combining the benefits of the three plans, Mike is able to get round-the-clock assistance.

Nurse Norma Martin suctions and irrigates Kelly McCoy's tracheotomy tube several times a day.

Insurance also covers part of the costs of surgeries, equipment and the supplies that fill the boys' bedroom and the garage. Nonetheless, Mike is still left with enormous medical bills.

Other agencies have also helped, MDA through its medical clinics, summer camps and other programs. A local agency for people with disabilities helped the family install a school bus lift and a 44-inch-wide door on their 1988 motor home.

Especially since Mary's death, members of their church have pitched in -- bringing dinner several times a week and donating a steady supply of discount pizza coupons.

Mike's brother installed metal guards on corners in the house to help protect the walls from the constant bump of heavy wheelchairs. He also devised such things as small, portable ramps which help the guys go over rocky terrain or curbs.

Mike has learned to accept help wherever it's offered. When the McCoys used to go to public events with another family that had two children with muscular dystrophy, they were often mistaken for a school group. When offered group discounts, choice seating or special tours, they don't say no.

Those breaks help balance out other times when huge crowds make it impossible to see from wheelchair height. At a visit to a famous aquarium, John Paul tilted his chair and led his brothers in a parade through the crowd so they could get up close.

The McCoys have learned other forms of assertiveness and when to apply them.

After a flight to Hawaii, they found one wheelchair at the baggage claim in several pieces. It took a number of phone calls to get the message to the right person, but Mike passed up an offer of a few hundred dollars in compensation and insisted the airline pay for complete, quick repair of the $30,000 chair.

Mike's secret to dealing with large businesses and organizations: "It's best to approach them nicely at first and say, 'I've got a problem. Can you help me?' Find out who Mr. Big is and mention his name."

Only when these techniques have been exhausted does he actually call higher-ups and get more aggressive. This method reached the brink of a court injunction against one insurance company.

But usually things go much better. When they're in a national park and ask to recharge wheelchair batteries or put a ventilator on electrical current, some park rangers hesitate. "You have to ask the head park ranger. You just explain and usually there's no problem," Mike says.

PASSING IT ON

The Fighting Five spirit helps the family through its hardest times. Several months after Mary's death, Kelly suffered a cardiac arrest and was in a coma for two weeks.

"I just talked to him day and night," Mike recalls. "I said, 'Kelly, we're going to have fun. We're going to go to the show a lot.'" Kelly rallied, and held his dad to his promises.

At age 19, John Paul was frightened about upcoming tracheotomy surgery. His parents introduced him to several men with muscular dystrophy who lived in a special ward at Rancho de Los Amigos Hospital in Downey, where the McCoys attend the MDA clinic. Most of the men there had had trachs several years ago.

"They said, you're going to do fine. They helped me through it," John Paul says.

He, in turn, has given the same reassurance to his brothers and to others facing trach surgery.

"I tell them, it's not that bad. It'll help your life a lot. You can't have fun when you're stuck home all day thinking about staying alive and breathing. Get it done. You'll be in pain for a little while but then you'll be out doing stuff, not thinking about breathing all the time."

The McCoys were also among the families consulted by actor Fred Savage in 1990 when he filmed the TV movie, "When You Remember Me," the story of a young man with muscular dystrophy who fought for his freedom and dignity in a nursing home.

On the fun side of life, Mike wants to take his sons on a cruise soon. No doubt they'll greet this and other new adventures with the same approach they took toward camping. Brian explains: "When we see a sign that says the trail stops here, we keep going on past the trail."