by Brice Carroll
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Brice
Carroll, of Hot Springs, Ark., has limb-girdle muscular dystrophy. |
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You might be a person with a disability if:
You ask a stranger a question and they answer your spouse.
Your mother tells your spouse how lucky you are to have a spouse.
New acquaintances shake your hand and then pat you on the head.
You always win when playing "musical chairs."
Every time you turn slightly in your chair, your dog lying beside
you scrambles away in panic.
People are always telling you how brave you are when youve done
nothing heroic.
Going to the restroom is one of your greatest on-the-job challenges.
Bathing always involves at least two people.
Sex always involves at least three people.
You have a personal assistant although youre not a CEO or a movie
star.
Youre more concerned with the safety of other peoples toes than
they are.
When you fall out of your chair, others dont fall out of theirs
laughing.
You refuse to go skinny-dipping purely for logistical reasons.
Youre convinced that spectator sports are a great improvement over
participatory sports.
You might be a redneck with a disability if:
Your chair has NASCAR wheels.
You can go frog-gigging at night using your wheelchairs K.C. lights.
(If you dont know what frog-gigging or K.C. lights are, youre not
a redneck.)
The only decoration your wheelchair has is tobacco juice.
You name your wheelchair Bubba.
You have at least two old, broken-down wheelchairs in your front
yard.
You might be an intellectual with a disability
if:
You can spend hours discussing the differences between the terms
"disabled," "handicapped" and "physically
challenged."
You enjoy watching the primitive behavior of lower life forms, like
insects and athletes.
You might be a rich person with a disability
if:
Your silver spoon punctures your seat cushion.
You have a stretch wheelchair.
Your wheelchair will elevate, tilt, stand, recline, roll over and
fetch.
